You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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