I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
