I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
