I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
