im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
