So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
