He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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