And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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