Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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