he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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