If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I forget how to act sober
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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