I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
