"it" just moved
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
