I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sober January is a disaster.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
