Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We have so much sex to catch up on
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
