i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
