I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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