If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
