There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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