I just pynch a tree in the face
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
