She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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