if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
