we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
