you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
