You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
