i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
