Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize