i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize