I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They have beer where we have blood.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
