Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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