Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
