maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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