I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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