I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
