My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
