I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
