Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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