paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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