I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
