Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
