Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
