My room smells like vodka and shame
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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