Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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