I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
