I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
