you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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