my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I have fence marks all over my body
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
