He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
