last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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