is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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