his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
