So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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