dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
