don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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