There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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