walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
