So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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