Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
