I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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