why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize