sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
