I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
