Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
